Just so no one thinks I'm a supernatural brick building that is unfazed by anything that happens on this Earthly form... today sucked. I know, Mom, I really shouldn't be using that word, but "bummer" just seems too calm. Today the hormones kicked in full force and I cried for most of the afternoon. I'm going to say it's the hormones. If it wasn't the hormones then I'm in big trouble.
I'm going to say my piece and then I'm venturing out to Sam's Club for a big bulletin board for our bathroom and maybe some churros. It's mostly just to get out of the house. The only thing I'm worried about is starting to cry in the middle of Sam's Club.
Today I went to the park with the kids. That was pleasant enough. The kids went down for a nap, which left me with plenty of time to mope around the house. This moping thing isn't my favorite. I really wish I was like a rubber ball and could just bounce right out of this moodiness. What a mess I am. Deep sigh. Time. It'll take time.
I check the mail and I find yet another medical bill leftover from the midwife. I hate how much money we've had to pay out of pocket for a home birth. I really hate paying medical bills on a pregnancy that... is no longer. I was going to say on a pregnancy that ended in nothing but hurt. However, I must say the truth. The pregnancy will end in purification. I will not go through this without learning something, anything. I will not go through this in vain.
I think I'll go to the Sam's Club for a bulletin board that will be a very rewarding project for me and maybe we'll buy some cookies to bring to the hospital as a thanks for all that they did.
I'll get through this and the never ending crying will one day stop. But I did want to be truthful and let you all know that this is not easy for me. It's easier at times. Today was not one of them. :) Maybe tomorrow.
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