Yesterday, as a city mom, I was terrorized for the first time by a dead lizard. It's funny that my "cat", Alynna, wasn't the one who brought it home.
The two olders had been with my mom and dad all day long. They had decided to go on a hike through some nature trails near by. They brought back a bag full of nature stuff. I was flying around the house getting my bags ready for church that night. Kaeley opened the bag and took out flowers and leaves and a ladybug. I listened and glanced while running around. I turned the corner into the living room and there it was. Nathan was standing in the middle of the room with a limp lizard in his hand.
All I can tell you is that something took over my body and I lost all rationality. I began screaming and jumping and I ran into the kitchen. Kaeley, who had poured over the lizard while on the hike, began screaming too. Now in my head I thought, "What are the odds of my parents allowing them to put a dead lizard in their bag for a collection of I don't know what? It's probably a new rubber animal." Even while I was thinking this I continued screaming. I was in the corner of the counters and if my dad hadn't come to save me I was completely ready to jump onto the counter! I was ready to cower until help came. My dad came in the form of "help", but he was laughing so hard he almost couldn't pick up Nathan.
Now, here's the sad part. Yes, it was really dead. Yes, Nathan was in love with it. He sat on my dad's lap while I recovered from my shock of adrenaline. I wasn't reading my child very well. Sigh. I yelled, "That's disgusting!" Nathan pouted out his bottom lip and said, "That not gusting. That my lizard!" He was quite hurt that I didn't adore his new pet, which he was stroking with his thumb.
On the way to church I was asking Kaeley why on earth they decided to bring home a dead lizard. She says that they wanted to cut it up for the microscope. I made sure she knew I was not going to cut into a dead lizard. I asked if she was planning on cutting it open. Her answer? Without much conviction she said, "Well, Nathan can cut it." Yeah, right. Like he was going to allow harm to come to his beloved. I told her that we couldn't keep it, because I wasn't going to cut it open, and it was going to start stinking. That wasn't a big deal with her since we could put fans in Nathan's room to "keep the stink out". Yeah... no.
My mom suggested we keep it in the fridge until my dad could come over and help with the yucky stuff. Not very politely I answered that they could keep it in their fridge. Hey, can you blame me? I've already had to store poop (not mine) in my fridge as I collected samples for the doctor a couple of years back. Every time I opened the fridge I knew exactly what was in there. No way was a lizard going to sit next to my spaghetti sauce!
I'm a girl. What can I say? I kill spiders and bugs pretty well as this point, but reptiles are really not going to cut it right now.
The lizard is gone. My dad took it "back to its family". Nathan was rather disappointed when he learned the news this morning, but, you know what? That's what rubber snakes and lizards are for.
1 comment:
Sissy! LOL!
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