Parenting Advice

I learned a valuable parenting lesson last night which I would like to share with all new parents and those of you who think you are strong enough to stomach a conversation like I had with Kaeley.
When your child begins a conversation with, "Well, I'm not offending you..." Walk away.
It all began when I was giving her a shower. She has a fit every time she's told it's bath/shower time. I told her to (basically) get over it, because twice a week was nothing compared to what she would be facing as a teenager. That's the context. She was standing in the shower with me washing her hair and she said, "Mommy, I don't want to have body parts like you when I get older." Now see, based on the context I thought this was a good transition into a puberty discussion. There was one tiny mention of puberty and then she said, "Well, I'm not offending you (what she was trying to say was "no offense". Again, new parent, walk away!) but I really don't want to have a big round tummy like you do have after four children."
I couldn't help but laugh out loud. She laughed too. I said, "You're not trying to offend, huh?" She assured me she was trying not to. She needs to learn about that mystery friend that everyone seems to have and begin a conversation with, "I have this friend and she has a big fat round tummy after having four children." See, I think I'm focusing on all the wrong lessons in homeschooling. Tactfulness 101 will begin on Monday.
There were a few things we talked about after I pretended not to be offended. I admitted that I don't do sit-ups. I also let her know that's just how my body gains weight. It's always the tummy first. Other women might have round behinds. Others don't seem to gain weight after babies at all.
I walked away vowing to do a thousand sit-ups and eat less sugar and carbs.
There's something that makes me think I'm getting my own round of discipline. Here I make Kaeley take a shower and she uses the time to tell me I have big fat round tummy. You should have heard her when I made her learn about adjectives. And you know, I can't make this stuff up. It was a frustrating lesson, because she kept describing what people did instead of what they looked like. She was told to describe her house with two adjectives. She had such a problem with the concept. After a bit of frustration she looked around flustered. "My house is... uh... My house is... uh... dirty?" Then, mostly to herself, she whispers, "Because it usually is."
Yes. Her adjectives about the house were all based on dirt, gray, messy, etc. Thanks.
So with Tactfulness 101 we need to add maybe Welcome-to-Being-a-Homeschooling-Mother 101 where you have to chronicle all the many things a homeschooling mom does for the poor house while she's raising four children who have way too many clothes and Legos. Or we could simply have a lesson called Children-Doing-Chores.

Ah, the joys (and truths) of children. This is the same night that Alynna danced around the house singing "Apple Circus" instead of "Afro Circus".
This is also the same night I put the three older children to bed and five minutes later Nathan is walking out again. Brad and I usually glance at each other with a look that says, "That child is making a very unwise choice indeed." Well, in walks our almost six-year old little boy. His face is lit up and he exclaims, "Daddy, guess what! I have a loose tooth!" Sure enough, a bottom tooth will be falling out in the next week or two. Nathan cried out of excitement. I cried out of a knowledge that there will be no more babies. And that stinker of a boy would not let me hug him. He knew I didn't really want to hug him. I wanted to scoop him up into my arms and wail over him growing older. And he wouldn't let me do it.

Being a mother is a great joy and a long adventure. You're told that you body is lacking and your house is too messy. (I might mention that it's because of the children that my body is lacking and my house is too messy, but whatever.) You hear silly word mix-ups like Apple Circus or your eight year old seriously tells you the man on the television was wrong - there really is no holy crab. Then you experience a milestone with a child who is too thrilled with growing older to let you savor the moment before they grow an inch taller.

May we all enjoy the adventure before those wiggly teeth and cheerios found in everything suddenly disappears. I'm sure one day, when that tactless child has a tactless child of her own, there will be many more laughs about the things she used to tell her poor round tummied mother. But for now...