I never had “baby blues”. I always went through a sort of “baby euphoric”. With Kaeley I would get frustrated with how much she needed to nurse, but then go about taking showers at all hours of the wee morning and begin my day. I discovered Talk Radio and baked to my hearts content. I followed my friends who had older children to play dates and enjoyed the freedom of sitting next to my non-crawling baby while they chased their little ones. I would sometimes scream in frustration when Kaeley wouldn’t stop screaming. I think even though I loved having my first and that entire transition that was a hard transition, because I went from a life that revolved around my desires to a life that resolved around the mysterious needs of a newborn. What did I know about the signals of a newborn?
Then along came Nathan. Kaeley was three and very nurturing. I felt that I knew what to do with babies. Nathan was a better sleeper. He was an overall pretty happy and easy to please baby. Going from one to two was the easiest transition I could have ever imagined!
Then our third came along. Once again I went through the “baby euphoric” and not much in my life seemed to change… except the need for ear plugs. I assured mothers expecting their third that life was completely manageable.
I don’t know what happened, but something did. This past month, maybe in the past week, I feel as though someone has just punched out all my teeth. I now know what people mean when they say they feel as though they’re drowning. I wake up in the morning ready to go! I’m not going to lose my patience, I’m going to keep up with the house constantly, I’m going to get on the floor and just enjoy being with the children, and so on and so on. Sometime around four or five in the afternoon I look around and think, “What in the world happened!” I’m lucky if I can see the counter in the kitchen. I usually have to fight to find the dining room table. I make our bed a few minutes before Brad comes home from work. The next day I start all over again! I do, however, have maybe two days, maybe three days a week, I’ll have the clean house without too much stress.
Like I said, I don’t know what in the world happened. Maybe having three kids caught up with me. All of a sudden Kaeley has the sassiest attitude. I look around and wonder who on earth raised a child to speak to her parents like that! And then crash into disappointment when I realize the girl with the ‘tude is mine! Nathan has been on and off sick since October, which means he follows me around with a blanket needing to be picked up and loved. Well, he does have those times when he’s ready to take on life and breaks a bottle of hot pink nail polish on the carpet. (Thanks, Sweetheart, for scrubbing that one away!) Alynna still, of course, wakes up two or three times a night to eat. With everything that goes on with three children in the house no wonder I can’t find any time or energy to clean the house!
The past two days have been especially discouraging. Yesterday I wrote my Bible study group begging for prayer, because I was ready to get Kaeley her own apartment and tell her to come visit on Sundays for lunch. If the child thinks she knows everything prove it! You’re five. You can handle it! J Nathan sported a 103.2 fever and needed constant cuddling. Hey, Alynna was in a good mood.
That morning I tried complete honesty with God. I finally said, “God, I need an answer! What the heck do I do with Kaeley? Why aren’t You answering?” I was reminded to be thankful. I worked against my human desire to continue ragging on my situation, and began thanking God for various things about Kaeley and her personality.
Last night, after dealing with an upset stomach, I was ready for an early bedtime. I took my book into my bedroom, and ended up waking Alynna up. She woke up about every two hours last night. I think she had an upset stomach too. I had to take her into the living room and help her get some air out of her tummy. At least I could relate. However, you all know how “happy” I get in the wee hours of the morning. I began to think about how awful it had been the past few days and how it felt like someone had punched all my teeth out. How I felt like I was crashing under huge torrents of cold water. Blah blah blah.
Then I got my answer. I remembered the verse that promises that while we will pass through the waters they will not overtake us, because the Lord will be holding us up. I thought of a different verse that said to be thankful in all situations. Wouldn’t you know that at 4:00am it was nearly impossible to stop the constant complaining. I actually had to sing some praise songs aloud to stop the barrage of things that were wrong in my life. The praise music helped. I realize now that I am just in a refining stage. Sometimes God allows us to go through times of hardship for various reasons. I think that’s what’s going on. So, this early morning I decided to take the bull by the horns, and stop complaining so much. So things get hard. Who cares? Who doesn’t have hard times whether they have kids or not? Who doesn’t have a kid with a ‘tude? Who isn’t awake half the night with a nursing baby?
So there you have it. That’s where I am in my life right now. If I’m going to share the joys I might as well share the growing pains, right? I prefer honesty over the façade of perfect life that only depresses on-lookers who don’t know the real story.
This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
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