August 15th.
Lord Jesus,Thank You for knowing me. I rest in Your goodness. Nothing is hidden from You. Nothing is a surprise to You. You know my heart. You know how I wrestled with my thoughts this morning. You know I wanted to sob and how I wanted to be non-plussed through my thankfulness over our three children, wonderful marriage, family, friends, and on goes my list of blessings. And yet the tears continued to come while I was at church. How I wanted to sing out loud to You and join with my Christian family in singing about Your goodness and Your faithfulness and how everything You planned for me is for my good. I wanted to sing these songs, because I know that they're true. I know that I know that I know. But I just couldn't stop the crying.
But God, you know that. You know I love You and that I trust You.
So, God, I want to thank You know that while I see that night of loss as horrid and a nightmare, You see it differently. You know the long term effects for all those involved. I look forward to seeing Your bigger plan. I don't even ask why anymore. It is not my place to know.
How I know that You are good. You are good. You are good. You are good.
Why did this happen? We all know the answer. It's to bring You glory, to teach us, to mold us, to teach us compassion for others. I pray that I allow all this to happen in my life as I left my heart remain soft. Please let my heart stay soft towards Your will for my life.
You are good all the time.
Amen.
I wrote this, because I wanted to address the day, but after several attempts to start I still didn't know what to write. After a good cry I met a woman with two small children whose husband had just left her. It was a good reminder that all of us have pain in life. All of us have surprises. That is a given. Pain in life is a given. How we handle it is not. I pray that God was glorified in our recent surprise. Was today a day of sorrow? A bit. But then I worked with a group of toddlers, went to a dedication party, went grocery shopping, grounded a certain someone for a whopper of a lie, cleaned until I didn't think I could clean anymore, and countdown the minutes to our favorite TV show.
Oh, my baby Noah, how I wish I could have held you today instead of remembering your passing, but one day. One day. Until then... life goes on.
August 16th is looking pretty good.
2 comments:
Such a beautifully honest and raw letter to God my friend. Faith and Noah have brought so much to my story, my walk with God, my HOPE in Him and my lovely friendship with you. They are doing God's work everyday.
Love you dearly,
~gina
I just read your beautiful and heart felt letter... I admire your strenght through your tenderness. Our little angels in Heaven were with us for a purpose and that's enough to know. I too do pray for continued softness in my heart and compassion to others. God never wastes a hurt! I love you dearly and thanks again for sharing your inmost emotions.
Kristina
Post a Comment