One Year Anniversary

Monday we remembered that one year ago we said good-bye to our baby Noah. It was such a nightmare of a time. I couldn't wrap my mind that I was experiencing a second-trimester miscarriage again. How many times I wailed and I sobbed and I moaned from that loss. But all through out that time I knew God loved me. I knew He was carrying me through the pain. I didn't know if I would ever carry another baby to full term or not, but I knew my future was already planned out by a loving God. But, oh, what a horrible time of mourning.

On Sunday I sat on the couch exhausted after a full day of activities and organizing for Baby Boy's arrival. Once I realized the one year mark of Noah's passing was approaching I sat in a fog of amazement. I couldn't believe a year had passed already. I couldn't believe that I was sitting here pregnant with a healthy baby again. And not only had God provided the baby, but once again He was providing our every need.

Last Saturday I decided it was time to organize the boy clothes people had given me. I looked forward to picking out a warm little outfit for after Baby Boy arrived. I organized... it took me three minutes. Baby Boy had a stack of white onesies and that was it. "Um, I guess I'm done organizing," I thought. I had no clothes 0-6 months. Nothing except a stack of white onesies. I remembered that I still wanted a stroller frame and the infant car seat for conveniences. I thought briefly, "God, would you please put it on someone's heart to throw me a baby shower?"

By that Monday I had an email from a dear friend of mine offering to throw me a baby shower! By Tuesday it was confirmed that a friend's friend would lend us the stroller frame! By Sunday I had a huge bag of Nathan's hand-me-downs I had given another dear friend of mine that she had handed down to a friend of hers. Well, those clothes came back! I have a nice collection of 0-3 months waiting in the closet. Another good friend of mine living in Utah offered to send me some of her hand-me-downs. My cup overflows with blessings from above. I thank God for the community of incredibly supportive friends that are around me. I give Him the glory for all that has happened. He is providing for our every need.

Even back to the miscarriage Brad and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as we remembered the night of the baby's passing. I had woken up late that night hoping and praying that I was suffering from horrible stomach cramps that would be gone by morning. On Sunday, after I mentioned the date to Brad, he reminded me of the awesomeness that the kids slept through everything. They slept through a fire truck and a paramedics van parking right under their windows. They slept while paramedics stamped through the living room. They slept through everything! What if they had woken up? What if I had thought I was suffering from a stomach bug in the middle of the day while homeschooling and alone? What if? It was a heavy reminder of God's mercy during a time of painful growth.

I have deeply learned the lesson of God's love, His goodness, and His faithful provision.

Our one year "anniversary" had a tinge of pain in it, but it was a better bench mark of God's hand on this family and for that I am deeply grateful.