To My Favorite Companies

I went on a "quick" trip to Joann's today and was inspired by a series of irritating events to tell some of my favorite companies what to do if they want more of my money.

Joann's - You need a play yard! Children can be entertained as their mothers spend hours matching fabrics and bargain shopping through frames and deciding which box best matches their interior decor. Please help us moms save time and sanity by offering our very opinionated and free-run children a place to play as we explore your endless opportunities.

McDonald's - I think you are awesome with your play yards and free wifi. I visit you Saturday mornings because of your 24-hour service, cheap coffee, and a place to sit and write for hours. But honestly, can't you serve a slightly healthier menu for kids? And by healthy I do not mean a smaller serving of fries or a quarter of a peeled apple.

Subway - You need a drive-thru. I understand custom sandwiches might be a tad difficult to make when offered via drive-thru, but entering your place of business as a mom with four opinionated children is harder than flying across country with four children... alone!

Starbuck's - Imagine the business you would get if you offered pedicures on the side! The only thing I would suggest is keeping the Barista on that side of the counter and hiring new staff for the pedicures. That way we all rest assured that the man making our coffee didn't just massage our friend's toes. But other than that I think this a no-brainer.

In-N-Out - You serve good food for a great price and you're a family-friendly business. We love you! But for as often as we frequent your place I would greatly appreciate a frequent-flyer program where after my 9th burger the 10th burger is free. Just saying.

Target - I visit your amusement-park-for-adults every couple of months with a list ranging from nail polish remover to curtains. I enter with children and hear all through the store, "Mommy! Look at this!" "Mommy, can we buy this?" I'm thinking the answer is headphones. Either a self-guided tour for the children to be entertained (or in the perfect world - educated) and thus by distracted them, so I can get my list taken care of at a much faster rate. The other option is to lend out noise-cancelling headphones for the adults! Also, bathrooms in the back of the store would be a life-saver to pregnant women and potty-training toddlers as we always seem to need a bathroom break right when I get to the back of the store. (Sam's Club, I'm talking to you, too!)

Now as I write these friendly suggestions a few things more do come to mind.

1. I might be out go shopping too much. That might be a possibility.

2. I have somehow managed to raise very opinionated children. (For those of you who know me well please keep all muffled laughs at a minimum. That's just my opinion.)

3. I might perhaps be merging well into that feeling of entitlement that plagues most of America's young. This idea that you should cater to my "deserved" needs when I have four healthy (opinionated) children I certainly don't deserve might bother some. However, let's just call it some friendly suggestions from one opinionated (and grateful) mother and I'll be seeing you next week!