Nathan's Birthday Interview

Please state your name and address for the record. He scoffs. Nathan. And your address? Here he pauses, bites his lips, and stares at the ceiling. My palms start sweating. 9.989089108. Brad starts laughing and shouts, "Homeschool fail!" Great. Just great. As you can probably guess what he's doing tomorrow for school.

Uh... the first president of the United States? More lip-biting and looks for cracks on the ceiling. Uh... President Obama? Brother.

Two plus two? Four! Oh thank goodness! Let's get a couple more in so I can feel good about homeschooling him again.

Eight plus eight? Seventeen! Okay, let's move on.

What do you want to be when you grow up? And the flood gates opened and with a gasp he answers, "Either a Lego builder, a policeman, a football... (Here Brad interjects that Nathan might not want to be a football per say.) ...a football person. Or a policeman. Or a detective,

What's your favorite television show? The Lone Ranger! But we haven't seen it yet.

What's your favorite thing about school? Please say something brilliant like how you love learning history or something to make up for the address and the president answers. There is more lip sucking. I like that we can go to the Little Cottage by the Sea! Hmm... Okay, sure. Why not. The Little Cottage by the Sea is a friend's house which we visit most Mondays.

What's your favorite food? Haystacks! And... what did we eat for dinner tonight? Waffles!

What would you do with $500.00? A HUGE Lego set! And if it was $50.00 I would buy a medium size set and get change back! Lots of change back!

What do you think you can do now that you're seven that you couldn't do when you were six? Maybe build MUCH more Lego sets? Like all the way up to the roof! I would buy the cowboy set; I AM trying to save up for one. He points at me, cocks his head to the side, and squints. He's either trying to sell me a used car or he's trying to convince himself that he's actually saving money. It has lots of Indians, a cave, cowboys, a HUGE cave... and a bomb.

What do you like learning in school? How everything works! What do you mean? Like how what works? Like Legos. Like how Legos are built. Uh huh. I'm picking up on a strange pattern here. Oh! And if you ask me my favorite TV show just write down Perry the Platypus.

And where did you come from? This was my attempt at the monkey wrench of a question. Jesus. You came from Jesus. Okay, but how did you get here? Mommy. Just because of Mommy's hard work? Daddy had nothing to do with it? No. He leans over and gives me that used-car-salesman look again. He talks really fast and says: And I speak really fast, and don't tell anyone, but I talk too much and that's how God made me. He leans closer and tells me: Can you write that in little tiny words? He smiles and he's off. So... I speak really fast, and don't tell anyone, but I talk too much and that's how God made me.

Happy birthday, Nathan. You are my sweet boy and often balm to a mother's tired heart.