I have been a mom for ten years now. Motherhood has been more precious than I ever imagined and a more challenging look at myself than anyone could have warned me. Motherhood is how God re-introduced Himself to me - with the birth and raising of our four children and the taking away of two babies growing in utero. Motherhood is that continuing sanctification process that rubs me and blesses me and tires me and causes me to rejoice.
I still doubt myself and lose my temper and stand with mouth hanging open over the amount of laundry or housework that needs to be done, but I have matured as a mother over the years. I argue less. I fight less. I enjoy more.
Do you ever wish you could speak to your younger self and warn her of the things to come? Here's what I would say to that younger Janna who was not-so-patiently waiting the arrival of her firstborn.
1. Find a community in which you can rest. - Don't do motherhood alone; a strong community of like-minded women will refresh not only you, but you as the mom. It might take some time and research, but find an encouraging La Leche League, an accepting MOPS group, or loving church. Fight isolation and shame by hearing life-giving words like, "I know what you mean." The beauty in that process is if you let your guard down a bit you can refresh others and the beauty of community is seen.
2. Find a mentor mom. - While a like-minded group of moms is near vital, you should also pray for that one, or maybe a few, strong older women who have been-there and done-that. You need to hear, "I remember feeling like that..." and "You know what worked for me is..." You will sigh in relief as you see their older children living and breathing... and they are indeed potty-trained! There is hope! There's something about a good mentor that can inspire you to do better while still saying, "You're doing a great job right now."
3. Find a joy in something other than parenting. - You will, as a first-time mom with very high expectations, find your identity in being a mother and that will get ugly as your little "identity" is throwing a tantrum in public or not potty trained by three. It will take a lot of experimenting, but find that hobby, that gifting, that something that gives you life, will help you find perspective when your little "identity" has just chewed you up and spit you out (because there will be days you feel like that). Read a book. Listen to your favorite music. Go on a walk. Write something silly. Find your hobby.
4. You will never be perfect and neither will she. The World, the Church, your family and friends, yourself... all have expectations for you as a parent. They all have lists of what they think makes a "perfect mom". There is no such thing! Find what it looks like for you to be a good mom and do it with all your strength. And if they don't things like you, it's okay. Have grace for yourself and have grace for others.
5. God is enough. You will have seasons of sleepless nights. You will wonder if people could possibly love you if they realized you're not perfect. Sometimes money will be really tight. There will be times of tears and stamping of feet. In all these trials God will be enough for you. You will have laughter and joy and satisfaction and wonder and excitement and success and in all those times God will be enough for you.
If you could go back in time to your younger self when you would visit and what would you say?
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