The house was certainly not quiet. I had music on in the background, the toddler was repeating himself over and over and over again, two children were loudly wrestling in the living room, and the oldest was humming. For the last two days I have been engrossed in research. I've listened to podcasts, read blog posts, written down ideas, spent time writing myself, and I think I registered for the same conference twice as I tried changing my class agenda. I didn't even really know what classes I needed. What I really wanted as a class entitled "Janna Saavedra Come Here". I walked away from the computer with a prayer in my heart and a phone in my hand. I texted a friend of mine who is also venturing into overwhelming waters of a new adventure. I shared that I was now officially overwhelmed. She writes back in sympathy and promises to pray for me.
Before leaving for Nathan's dentist appointment I check the mail. The usual junk mail promising 0% interest rate, a birthday card for the new seven-year old, and an envelope from our church. We get an envelope from church maybe twice a year, so this was curious. My thoughts exploded as to the possibilities as I ripped the sealed brown envelope. Inside was another envelope with a post-it saying that this had been sent to the church on my behalf. There was a return address on the front, but no name. It is a gift certificate to one of my favorite grocery stores with the note "Buy chicken for your family. God bless you. Love your blogs."
My furrowed brow of thought relaxes as I laugh out loud. In a post for the women's ministry blog I manage I had shared about this exact project that is currently overwhelming me. I had compared prioritizing my time with the prioritizing of groceries - I had vetoed chicken in favor of the very affordable dry beans.
Oh how I laughed at this anonymous note. It's what I needed. It's in some unknown handwriting, but reading between the lines it's clear; the note of love is from God and I was meant to check the mail right before I began hair-pulling and crossing-eyes.
Later we sit in a waiting room as Nathan has a cavity filled. Kaeley is nearly done with her spelling list, but is stuck on "scalded". She has so far spelled "scaled" and "scald" and "scallded", but no "scalded". She folds herself up in the leather chair on which she sits, throws her forehead onto the clipboard, and whines, "Ugh! This is so hard!" At the time I didn't have much sympathy. Let's not lose perspective over a spelling word, please. However, now that I have eaten lunch (and had a soda with some homemade chocolate chip cookies) I myself have better perspective. I have pushed a little boy on the swing and heard him laughing nervously as he was pushed higher than he's used to. I have now listened to that same little boy put together a large puzzle while talking about every single move he was making.
The note is by the computer on which I write and it refreshes me.
Yes, Kaeley, those new experiences like writing "scalded" can be overwhelming. There are obviously too many choices and it's hard to keep thoughts straight or know which path is right for you. Now that I've had some time I get it. But let's do this thing! Let's do what's hard and nonsensical if that's what God's called us to. And let's have fun.
The Lord spoke to me last night. In my mind thick with thoughts His hands came through, pushed them aside, and in the space He said, "I have not called you to be brilliant. I have called you to be faithful." He helped me be faithful today with the encouragement from an anonymous reader.
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